Saturday, October 27, 2012

Grandmother

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/10/trifextra-thirty-nine.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+trifectawritingchallenge%2FIazs+%28Trifecta%29


'They said she was a zombie,'
my mother said to me,

but she was simply black and blind,
and poor as she could be
and while the name did hurt,
she knew that she was free.


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9 comments:

  1. dkOctober 27, 2012 at 11:33 PM

    Nice. Succinct, melodic, and very relevant storytelling.

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  2. DraugOctober 28, 2012 at 1:28 AM

    I like this! It has good meter and tells a lot in few short lines :)

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  3. AnonymousOctober 28, 2012 at 2:16 AM

    I really liked the idea that it took being labeled a zombie to set her free of her other bindings. And I agree with both Donna and Draug about both the melody and meter.

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  4. UnknownOctober 28, 2012 at 3:52 AM

    I love saying the last two lines out loud. Yes, it's interesting that the name, "zombie", was what set her free.

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  5. Thomas Charles MacInnesOctober 28, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    The simple vocabulary is perfectly suited for the narrator's voice, as well as, the profound message being given. Very well done.
    I think that, at times, writers work too hard to sound intellectual and end up using flowery words that sound grander than the message they are attempting to convey. Your story is the perfect case for using simple words to allow the message to be the star of the story.

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  6. StephOctober 28, 2012 at 10:41 AM

    Oh nice! I love the rhyme and the simplicity of the message that says so much is so few words.

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  7. lumdog2012October 28, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    Cool variation on the prompt and nice poetry.

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  8. kymmOctober 29, 2012 at 6:21 AM

    Nice rhyme!

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  9. karenOctober 29, 2012 at 12:00 PM

    I like this interpretation very much. It reflects something of my feelings about this prompt, only I couldn't put it together for a post. Well done.

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