Saturday, October 27, 2012

Grandmother

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/10/trifextra-thirty-nine.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+trifectawritingchallenge%2FIazs+%28Trifecta%29


'They said she was a zombie,'
my mother said to me,

but she was simply black and blind,
and poor as she could be
and while the name did hurt,
she knew that she was free.


9 comments:

  1. Nice. Succinct, melodic, and very relevant storytelling.

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  2. I like this! It has good meter and tells a lot in few short lines :)

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  3. I really liked the idea that it took being labeled a zombie to set her free of her other bindings. And I agree with both Donna and Draug about both the melody and meter.

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  4. I love saying the last two lines out loud. Yes, it's interesting that the name, "zombie", was what set her free.

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  5. The simple vocabulary is perfectly suited for the narrator's voice, as well as, the profound message being given. Very well done.
    I think that, at times, writers work too hard to sound intellectual and end up using flowery words that sound grander than the message they are attempting to convey. Your story is the perfect case for using simple words to allow the message to be the star of the story.

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  6. Oh nice! I love the rhyme and the simplicity of the message that says so much is so few words.

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  7. Cool variation on the prompt and nice poetry.

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  8. I like this interpretation very much. It reflects something of my feelings about this prompt, only I couldn't put it together for a post. Well done.

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