Her voice whimpered,
crossing oceans of mind,
sailing on distant seas;
we listened intently.
Her soul was calling,
reeling through aeons,
tracking dark skies;
we waited in silence.
Her self was keening,
grieving through years,
collating all memory;
we watched in sorrow.
Her spirit was aching,
suffering through time,
crucified on each cross;
we hurt in sympathy.
Her life was soaking,
sucked out of flesh,
desiccated and frail;
we wept by her side.
Her days diminished,
swallowed up slow,
the end inevitable;
we embraced madness.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/03/19/hello-ing-and-good-bying-sort-of/#comment-91875
crossing oceans of mind,
sailing on distant seas;
we listened intently.
Her soul was calling,
reeling through aeons,
tracking dark skies;
we waited in silence.
Her self was keening,
grieving through years,
collating all memory;
we watched in sorrow.
Her spirit was aching,
suffering through time,
crucified on each cross;
we hurt in sympathy.
Her life was soaking,
sucked out of flesh,
desiccated and frail;
we wept by her side.
Her days diminished,
swallowed up slow,
the end inevitable;
we embraced madness.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/03/19/hello-ing-and-good-bying-sort-of/#comment-91875
Really a lot of excellent verbs here. Especially keening worked so well here.
ReplyDeleteI felt the sorrow - I thought the was stole some of their thunder where "she keened", "her spirit ached" might have worked as well for those excellent verbs. Nice.
ReplyDeleteI can really feel the pain and ache in your words... you ACED this write :)
ReplyDeleteYou have really written in such a way that I feel 'her' pain.
ReplyDeletemay be she will attain atonement.............happy world poetry day 21st march
ReplyDeleteThe verbs you chose effectively create a mood of sadness. If I could make one suggestions, eliminate the gerunds in favor of the active voice like you did in the first stanza. Just a thought. Enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteThe Universe of human neurons all connected in bright-lit stars.. a treasure to admire and wonder.. until those star disconnect.. the symphony of soul.. that sings a treasure of heart and spirit.. in hemispheric Undivided.. Universal.. flow..:)
ReplyDeleteA heartfelt melancholic tale you have in here - using verbs so wisely to portray it. Well done.
ReplyDelete