In that place of mind are hidden so many secrets.
In that place of mind are hidden so many secrets.
They whisper, singing sad, small songs in darkness.
They whisper, singing sad, small songs in darkness.
If only time could draw secret notes as songs.
Inked upon the page of reason, demanding they be sung.
Pain guards the door and grief sweeps images in piles.
Pain guards the door and grief sweeps images in piles.
They will not be released without the key for turning.
They will not be released without the key for turning.
Pain is piled high, stacked, each upon the other at the door.
The key is lost, there is no turning from the door of pain.
Locked within the cellar of abandoned self and sanity.
Locked within the cellar of abandoned self and sanity.
I count the grains of sand which dust the barred window.
I count the grains of sand which dust the barred window.
The cellar locked, abandoned to itself, without sanity.
Barred grains sand smooth the window which is within.
Secrets are placed to whisper pain in smooth grains.
Singing is stacked high in the cellar of turning sanity.
Time is hidden in sad darkness behind barred window.
Reason notes the key is lost and secrets guard the door.
Hope is scrawled as future inked in sad, small songs.
There is no place released or safe from ever-rising sand.
http://dversepoets.com/2014/07/31/meetingthebar-formforall-paradelles-i-have-obviously-lost-my-mind/
I like that all the stanzas run in one to the next...suits the poem - great prompt from Brian, 'eh? :)
ReplyDeletethe adjustments you made to the form def help yours flow -- like the addition of notes or sung in the first 5/6 when its not a word from 1/3 which i am all for, because i wont sacrifice a poem to make form...ha...rather desolate....locked in that room of ever rising sand somewhere on the edge of sanity...
ReplyDeletethere's a burden of void in the poem and this form expresses it well...that change was necessary...
ReplyDeleteThe way you used the form works well with the heavy tone of your poem.
ReplyDeleteWhat sadness you express within your words.. The sand running out.
ReplyDeletewow...I really felt this piece...like staring into my own mind. really nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI thought you wrote an excellent poem Roslyn. So much emotion expressed within your words. very well done.
ReplyDelete