Friday, June 12, 2015

Place


Having had my first effort at a palindrome summarily removed as a link without any warning or guidance, or time given to correct, I have turned the original variation on the theme of palindrome so it can be read backwards.

And if this gets removed I give up.

I.




The cuckoo in the nest which time did bring,
as if my form could have no settled shape,
destined to be other, held separate and apart:
there seemed to be no place to put myself.

No matter all the efforts and the tears,
the one who would find no sure place to rest,
the cuckoo in the nest which time did bring,
and I was doomed to never quite fit in.

As if my form could have no settled shape,
the twisting to manoeuvre into place,
no matter all the efforts and the tears;
there seemed to be no place to put myself.

As if my form could have no settled shape,
and I was doomed to never quite fit in,
the twisting to manoeuvre into place;
No matter all the efforts and the tears.

The cuckoo in the nest which time did bring:
and I was doomed to never quite fit in,
as if my form could have no settled shape;
there seemed to be no place to put myself.


II.

There seemed to be no place to put myself, 

as if my form could have no settled shape, 

and I was doomed to never quite fit in; 

the cuckoo in the nest which time did bring. 

 

No matter all the efforts and the tears, 

the twisting to manoeuvre into place, 

and I was doomed to never quite fit in; 

as if my form could have no settled shape. 

 

There seemed to be no place to put myself, 

no matter all the efforts and the tears, 

the twisting to manoeuvre into place; 

as if my form could have no settled shape. 

 

And I was doomed to never quite fit in, 

the cuckoo in the nest which time did bring, 

the one who would find no sure place to rest; 

no matter all the efforts and the tears. 

 

There seemed to be no place to put myself, 

destined to be other, held separate and apart, 

as if my form could have no settled shape; 

the cuckoo in the nest which time did bring.

 

 

http://dversepoets.com/2015/06/11/meeting-the-bar-palindrome-poetry

 

27 comments:

  1. I don't see how this fits as a palindrome.

    It does not read the same forward or back. you have only changed the position of some lines, more like other forms where you just shift the position of the end words. I could be wrong, but ---

    I think our "fitting in" is also a product of our own behavior at times, though often we do not notice our own behavior. Like walking into a room and ignoring one person. We may not do it on purpose, but it still is perceived as a snuff.

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    1. I missed the lines reading backward. However that is easily fixed.

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  2. Interesting poem, but I agree with X. This does not fit as a palindrome, so I must removed the link. Lines, for this prompt, have to read the same forward and backward. There is still time to make a revision and submit again, and I hope you will.

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    1. I completely missed the reading backwards. I only saw line repetition. It is a variation on the theme of palindrome. I really do not think it is fair to remove the link.

      In the past dverse allowed variations on prompt themes. As a new innovation I think you need to be more flexible. By all means point out where people go wrong but let's not become hidebound in terms of what people write.

      Delete
    2. Mary, I am sure others would feel the same but I found it incredibly rude that you would summarily remove my link without giving me the opportunity to rework.

      I have never encountered such a removal policy on dverse in the past. If you are going to censor in this way then you need to make it very clear to people with prompts that if they fail they will be removed.

      I personally think that runs counter to the spirit of poetry prompts and dverse but your call.

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    3. Your poem works well now as a palindrome as you have revised it. In fact, very well.

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    4. I still maintain that dverse has never previously had a policy of 'meet prompt' or be removed. I can't say I like it and even less where people are not told this will happen beforehand, or given fair guidance and asked to resubmit. You posted a response here and immediately deleted my link. There was no need for that.

      The dverse community has been sustained, I believe, because of flexibility, generosity of spirit and functioning as a medium for people to experiment and succeed or fail. I would not like to see that change.

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    5. I think that is because you have always met the prompt.. That is why we have the OLN as well.. we are a generous bunch but we spend quite a lot of energy writing the prompts. There is nothing changed here, we have from time to time removed poems that doesn't meet the prompt.. :-)

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    6. Actually, I haven't. I recall Brian on a couple of occasions pointing out to me I had not. But at least now I know how things are working. :)

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  3. And a really impressive work you have done.. Love that you worked with repetitions within the palindrome, and I noted something interesting as I did with several others. -- the backward version seemed smoother and better. Very good Ros.

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    1. Thanks, Bjorn. Yes, although I suppose repeated lines allow it to go backwards or forwards more easily. It reminded me a lot of life really, or how life can be and particularly memory --- that repetition where we find ourselves ruminating over something, sometimes backwards, sometimes forwards....

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  4. Perhaps it is the maverick in me, but I enjoyed your creative & imaginative machinations. Often there can be, perhaps should be flexibility & latitude in response to our efforts; I applaud yours--that & your gentle & tenacious nature. Actually, I enjoy going out upon the trail & seeing all the variants of response to MYB/FFA prompts--it's all lesson,like the rest of life.

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    1. That would be MTB (meeting the bar),not MYB (meeting your bar), though the typo might have been a Freudian slip; smile.

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    2. Thanks Glenn. I have failed to meet the bar in the past and have been told as much but not delinked and I guess, like you, have seen it as an exercise.

      I am now aware 'rules' have changed or are being enforced. I don't see it as a wise move but we are all different.

      I like your Freudianslip. :)

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  5. your repetitions are smooth and work wonders in this piece. I am glad you didn't give up and took the time to make corrections.

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  6. This is excellent. I'm glad you met the prompt so this could MTB, Sometimes it is hard to follow the prompts and I totally sympathize but...OLN is for anything goes and a nice change. I was once a member of haiku community and some of those prompts were so obscure, I just gave up. this is an interesting form for sure and challenging. There are also a couple of submissions where not only did the submitters reverse the lines, but the order of the words and then...another person reversed the lines, words, and put palindromes in the individual lines. Way out of my league!!!! The repetitions in this poem add so much to the form. One of dRules on the main page addresses poems needing to meet prompts when it is one of those sessions. but again, I am glad you corrected and resubmitted.

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    1. Thanks. I just feel that most of us seeking to express creatively are not professionals with skin 'toughened' by years and feelings assuaged by financial profit or success, need to be treated gently.

      But we are all different.

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  7. (:..Elusive Cuckoo Clocking arriving just as always..
    i break cuckoo.. time.. no longer.. masters me..
    me masters.. longer no.. time.. cuckoo break i..
    always as just arriving Clocking Cuckoo Elusive..:)

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  8. It does work very well as a palindrome! Probably because the original poem worked so well in itself. I agree that the repetitions make both very interesting.

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  9. So much to like about this, Ros. Skillfully executed as a palindrome. Sorry about all the issues, but I, for one, hope it will not keep you away from dVerse.

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    1. I am also sorry about the issues but guess I come from a culture where we speak out. I guess more of us now know the rules. All to the good.

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  10. The repetitions did it Roslyn, it brought the whiff of freshness. It is a palindrome all right. Like it!

    Hank

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  11. good write and cukcoo.....a solitary bird

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  12. Good job - whatever the form. Just keep wrting!

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  13. Ours is not a culture that encourages the art of obsequiousness...thankfully.

    Animal Farm rules seem to apply here....some are more equal than others. It would be acknowledged by most you are an accomplished writer.That could be part of the problem. Keep at it !

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    1. I suspect it has more to do with people wanting to 'stamp' their own 'marks' on the site given the change of management. I try to impute the best motives to others and also suspect that cultural differences apply and where I come from, we speak out perhaps more readily and more strongly than others. Or in colloquial Australian English, 'call a spade a bloody shovel,' for good and ill. :)

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