Friday, November 1, 2013

Sticks



I find a lot of modern poetry is just word contortion and pretentious prattle. I thought I would give it a go and just let words dribble where they may in experimental fashion. But this is not what I call poetry.


Sticks settled

between toes,

forced deep in wet

sand,

ocean washed

with cuts like shells,

broken on the

beach - marooned, on

pebbles, smooth, bright,

as if lost - forgotten -

seaweed drowned, dappled,

fallen salted fronds - a dead

fish, yawning mouth, small

teeth, rotted flesh, embraced

death - pitted against the

detritus, plastic bottles, sliding

on the crusts of wave - mocking

towels strewn in disarray-

lost by fading swimmers, long

since gone away.


http://dversepoets.com/2013/10/31/meeting-the-bar-wild-beasts/#respond


Version Two:



Ocean washed, cutting like shells broken on the beach,
sticks settled between toes forced deep in wet sand,
each marooned, isolated; hung on pebbled breast,
smooth, bright, as if lost, dropped by hidden hands.

Holding in soft arms, dead fish with yawning mouth,
seaweed drowned in dappled, fallen, salted fronds,
small teeth, rotted flesh, embraced by liquid death;
nestled, pitted against the detritus in final bonds.

Plastic bottles sliding on the crusts of endless days,
mocking, rising on the breath of ocean,  falling onto sands;
drenching shores draped with towels, strewn in disarray
lost by faded swimmers, gone to distant lands.

7 comments:

  1. i like the second over the first, its easier for me to follow...i think too we have to consider the delivery method as part of the art...as if chooseing watercolor or acrylic...to me this is a bit sad....the trash and dead fish make me think of polution...and that those that did it have just moved on...

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I agree. Although it was more metaphorical than literal and I did not have physical pollution in mind, but of course, you are right, and perhaps it was subconscious.

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  2. Great images in the pebbled breast, faded swimmers, and the horror of holding the dead fish.

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  3. I like both versions ... they work in different ways. I agree with you ... I tend to like traditional poetry better. It's nice to experiment sometimes and try something new. :)

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  4. Reads like poetry to me - well done on both versions. I like how they each flow differently and give, at least to me, a different feel.

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  5. visually, I preferred the first, reading, the second.

    I agree, I find modern poetry hard to fathom.

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  6. I think they both work for different reasons. I am glad you decided to try something new. I think isn't necessary to agree with a technique to find it a useful exploration.

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