Your thoughts applied
so physically; thick and
barely formed, to paint
the essence critically;
dark colours, blurred,
forlorn. And in the drip
of wet, soft fear, the tones
reduced my heart, with
grey and black and solemn
strokes, tearing me apart.
No light allowed, no sun
could reach, no play of hope
bestowed, and sunset drew
the dawn’s bright face;
death’s cock would
mournful crow.
Meet the Bar with impressionism
so physically; thick and
barely formed, to paint
the essence critically;
dark colours, blurred,
forlorn. And in the drip
of wet, soft fear, the tones
reduced my heart, with
grey and black and solemn
strokes, tearing me apart.
No light allowed, no sun
could reach, no play of hope
bestowed, and sunset drew
the dawn’s bright face;
death’s cock would
mournful crow.
Meet the Bar with impressionism
The critical points can reduced and rip apart that heart ~ Good to see you Rosyln ~ Thanks for joining us ~
ReplyDeleteThe light of insight accentuates the shadows of emotion in this poignant post.
ReplyDeleteSuch light in these emotions! Nice work!
ReplyDeleteThis evokes such sad emotions bidding farewell to light... really like the end in this poem.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is as heavy as the globs of black paint smeared on a canvas. You create such a mood using the second person. These lines say it all
ReplyDeleteAnd in the drip
of wet, soft fear, the tones
reduced my heart, with
grey and black and solemn
strokes, tearing me apart.
Very nice meter and rhyme. I also like how you don't put in the line breaks where one would expect them to be based on the sound. I'm going to have to try that visual technique. The ending was nice as well with the bright dawn and the mournful crowing.
ReplyDeleteAngst so aptly presented. Love that ending!
ReplyDeleteA tortuous descent into the dark. Flayed by those thick yet barely formed thoughts.This could be bullying/oppression of a kind or someone imprisoned and awaiting dawn's release.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful writing.
Hi Ros, can you please contact me at sometimesg@yahoo.com? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOkay, have done.
DeleteThanks everyone for taking the time to comment.
ReplyDelete