There was a time I thought I knew,
when what we had was surely true;
and yet the links seem so frail
that you, I now so barely even know.
What has brought it all to pass,
this rift so deep, truly dark
which yawns between us now,
and makes the world so stark?
When did the demons do their work,
to suck your love, to never shirk,
destroy connections heart had wrought;
stamp deep our bond in evil's dirt?
There was a time I thought I knew,
the fate our angels deeply drew,
but now I see it all destroyed;
fidelity made deathly, bitter brew.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/02/12/frosts-form-stopping-by-woods/
when what we had was surely true;
and yet the links seem so frail
that you, I now so barely even know.
What has brought it all to pass,
this rift so deep, truly dark
which yawns between us now,
and makes the world so stark?
When did the demons do their work,
to suck your love, to never shirk,
destroy connections heart had wrought;
stamp deep our bond in evil's dirt?
There was a time I thought I knew,
the fate our angels deeply drew,
but now I see it all destroyed;
fidelity made deathly, bitter brew.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/02/12/frosts-form-stopping-by-woods/
The flow and the darkness of loss works well.. a very much anti-Valentine poem... the deathly brew at the end stabs deep
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad turn of events - to see it all destroyed, a bitter brew ~
ReplyDeleteGrace
Well not completely true to form. The second stanza's line 1,2 and 4 should rhyme with "frail", the third's 1,2,& 4 with "now" and all lines in stanza 4 should rhyme with "wrought" as you wrote it - and not quite tetrameter or even 8 syllable lines. That having been said, you definitely gave it the feel of the Frost poem, and that is most important...to take the outline and bend and make it your own. It's what we're all about at dVerse - finding your voice, using poetic tools to write what you want, to get the poem out and not become a slave to it. Still you might want to play around with poetic forms from time to time - sometimes coloring inside the lines may help us shade a little better when we paint outside of them. I enjoyed the poem very much. Gay
ReplyDeleteYes, I knew that but I find that the words take on a life of their own and I let them. I find the prompt is what matters even when the results are not 'true' to the prompt itself.
DeleteIn truth, I think some people are more suited to established 'form' than others. For me it is like putting on clothes which are too 'tight' and so when the words try to 'break out' I don't stop them. :)
ugh it is tough when you realize that all you thought you had disappeared in a way.. an emotional piece
ReplyDeleteThe other side of love, when it has gone wrong, is captured so well here. I especially note the "bitter brew". So well done.
ReplyDeletethe darkness in love... it's a sting we all feel at one point...
ReplyDeleteheartfelt
ReplyDeleteWow, well done.
ReplyDelete"Fidelity"?
I find that though one partner may tell the story as if change came suddenly or from one cause (a new lover), instead the change (as you hint) is more insidious and has much more mutual participation than the may be realized.
Bland Fidelity is often what some lovers depend on, instead of nurturing love, care, fascination, passion and more — the things that make deep fidelity last.
Feelings changes — feelings which we could never have imagined changing. Oh how naive we are — you capture that well too.
We forget how fickle our feelings. We forget how we have almost never stayed fascinated with anything for very long. No demons, no angels, just the wrong view of who we really are.
Will some read this poem saying, "Yes, that nasty person" while others read it saying, "How naive." and yet others read it saying, "Ah yes, how difficult love is?" I wonder how readers will vary. Your poem is delightfully open enough to allow all these.
Thanks Sabio. I am pleased if it is open to multiple interpretations for that is the nature and truth of love. And yes, I believe in mutual participation even if unconscious.
DeleteWell done. So sad when love or the allusion of love leaves a bitter aftertaste.
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Sad when love comes to an end. Powerful write.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed this a lot. Nice flow and something tells me that the words spilt on to the page for this one..Always the best work. Well done !
ReplyDelete