What is this shadow of the mind?
Echo - Soul.
So there is form and substance?
Echo - No and Yes.
In dual form Soul does reside.
Echo - And more than that.
For Soul can be all things and none?
Echo - Yes.
As searching through to inner Self.
Echo - where all is one.
Shadow cast from reflected Sun.
Echo - where all is one.
Version Two.
What is this shadow of the mind?
Echo - Soul defined.
So there is form and substance?
Echo - No and Yes.
In dual form Soul does reside.
Echo - and more besides.
A searching through to inner Self.
Echo- with all revealed.
Shadow cast from reflected Sun.
Echo - where all is one.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/08/13/meeting-the-bar-echo-verse/#comment-98967
Echo - Soul.
So there is form and substance?
Echo - No and Yes.
In dual form Soul does reside.
Echo - And more than that.
For Soul can be all things and none?
Echo - Yes.
As searching through to inner Self.
Echo - where all is one.
Shadow cast from reflected Sun.
Echo - where all is one.
Version Two.
What is this shadow of the mind?
Echo - Soul defined.
So there is form and substance?
Echo - No and Yes.
In dual form Soul does reside.
Echo - and more besides.
A searching through to inner Self.
Echo- with all revealed.
Shadow cast from reflected Sun.
Echo - where all is one.
http://dversepoets.com/2015/08/13/meeting-the-bar-echo-verse/#comment-98967
Just a hint.. the echo should rhyme with the last of the preceding line. Like for instance..
ReplyDeleteWhat is this shadow of the mind?
Echo - Blind....
I like the dialogue with the echo though.. Great to see you here.
Thanks. will have another go.
DeleteThanks for giving the form a try. Thinking of the first line ending in 'mind,' the echo should either be the word 'mind' again or a rhyming word such as 'kind' or 'bind' or 'lined.' And so on.
ReplyDeleteI do like the message of your poem. Well thought-out theme!
Thanks, Mary. I had another go at it. I finally picked that up reading through some other poems on dVerse.
DeleteI love the theme of this poem. Good attempt :)
ReplyDeleteInspiring exploration of the soul.
ReplyDeletei like the search and the answer...nicely done...
ReplyDeleteYou got it!
ReplyDeleteVersion II is bang on. love the metaphysical theme too. Nice to meet you, thanks for stopping by my place.
ReplyDeleteAh, I only got to see when you had the two versions. Yes, number two is much closer to the echo theme. It's not that easy to do, is it? I found it quite a challenge. But I like your theme - nothing quite so black and white or straightforward yes or no.
ReplyDeleteVersion II is spot on, but I do like the Version I and find the echoes interesting, even though there is not the rhyme. Both are excellent poems and the theme is a good one.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed watching the changes you make to fit it more correctly into the echo verse form. Although, I did enjoy BOTH!
ReplyDeleteEmotions HeArt Expressing SpiRit miNd Body Balancing soUl
ReplyDeleteGoal
Moving Connecting Creating Soul Grows
Flow
Present Just DOing NOW Real
PILL..:)
A challenging form and theme...version 2 flowed better, i think. You are brave to share your attempt and progress with us...thanks.
ReplyDeleteThough I like your piece - I feel you are violating the rules of the form.
ReplyDeleteAbhra, at this point there are more saying that I managed to get it right second time around than agreeing with you so I shall defer to the majority. But thanks for your input.
Delete